One year on

So its a year since my cat died.  A very lonely one at that.  Still miss him like crazy, bouts of small periods of depression still hit me.  I hate that hes not around.  The large chair in my room that he used to sleep on is still next to me.  It takes up a large amount of space but I cant bring myself to move it to another room.  Today I saw the little winged cat statue that I placed over the area I buried him, it had been tilted a little and shifted from its spot.  Had to hold back from raging.  I put it perfectly back in its position and had a stern word with my mum over it.  She claims not to have done it but thats the area shes dragging the garden hose and sometimes it slides up over the protective barrier of bricks.  It's a small thing but when it comes to that little area of his I just see red if something isnt how it should be.

One thing I'm still absolutely pissed at is not having a statue of him.  A while back I commissioned someone who was excellent at doing animal sculptures to do one of Kyo.  She go the likeness of many of them perfect.  But when it came time to show me what she'd done I was just deflated.  Heres  picture of what she sent me a while back.

While its a great piece of work, I wasnt completely happy with it.  I may be over critical but this is one thing I needed to be perfect.  As a small picture it looks pretty good.  But at its normal size you start to see all the little things.  And once I see something I see it every time I look at it.   I'd never be completely happy and it would bother me forever.  I dont want that nagging sensation in the back of my mind whenever I look a statue of him.  I want to look at it and see him instantly.  The ears are wrong, the nose is wrong, the mouth is wrong, the cheek areas make his face look bulbous.  Its just not him.  The lady understood why I couldnt accept it and she was more than happy to keep it which was cool, because as a cat sculpture its pretty awesome.

So now my new idea is to create him as a 3D model and then get it printed out.  I dont really know much about 3D modelling.  I've seen a course offered nearby that could help me get started.  I'll probably give it a skeleton so that I can make any kind of pose for extra statues.  One thing at a time I guess.  If I was working I'd just pay someone an obscene amount to do it for me.  Not being able to find a job is starting to get to me.

So heres to the most amazing cat I've ever known.  I absolutely loved him and miss him like crazy and still think about him every day.  Nothings going to fill this void.