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Tuesday, December 31, 2013

Happy New Year!

A big super 2014 to all of you delicious people!  I hope you all win the lotto and buy huge mansions to live in!  And hopefully everyones year is better than the last one.  I know mine definitely couldnt be worse.  Be safe!   xxxoooxxxsmoochkisshugdroolgropepregrnant

Wednesday, December 25, 2013

Magical is one way to describe it

So recently Jed got his little hybrid christmas/wedding anniversary present and put it under his tree.  Today he opened it.  What he should of seen was a picture of him and his wife that I had selected and organised.  Instead this is what he got....

His very own adopted asian family eternally captured in crystal.  He saw the funny side of it.  I see it too.  However theres a side I'm not finding too funny and its their return policy.  Firstly I'm expected to pay for return shipping.  Fair enough I can understand that.  But theres a 20% restocking fee too.  That part I am not pleased about and will outright refuse to pay for their stupid error if they ask me to.  I've sent them an email and so now its the waiting game.  I dont know if they're closed for certain days or whatever so I'll have to be patient.  Hopefully everything turns out ok.  Still, I'm not entirely pleased.  I dont mind when theres screw ups regarding something I got for myself.  But when it comes to gifts, that makes me a little edgier than normal.  So hopefully these guys dont try to rile me up in some stubborn way.  Also beyond frustrating I cant speak to them in person.

Tuesday, December 24, 2013

Merry Christmas! + L4D clip

Hope everyones having a super duper christmas and getting sick on eating more food than you should.  Except for Jed.  I dont believe he deserves it.  I know everyone will agree with me.  If I use my brain power really really hard, I will make him trip into the snow that he just coloured yellow.  HHHHHNNNNNGGGGGG

Sunday, December 22, 2013

Football manager...You're killing me!

So the weirdest thing happened to me on FM14 the other day.  I decided to put a sound effect to it.

Friday, December 20, 2013

OMG New Patlabor Movie!

GSTGJHSRTH~!!!!!  This shit should of happened long ago!  I loved this series in the early 90s and now finally its getting what it deserves, a proper movie.  2015 cant come soon enough!!

My christmas present to me

I went out and got myself a present. Because I deserve it.  This one was an extra special treat though as I'd found some Alien figures that were pretty awesome.  They're both from the japanese Revoltech Watanabe Yuki line, and I was duly impressed.  They've got heaps of little areas where you can twist and bend and shape them into almost any pose you want.  I went for some standard type ones that I liked.  Heres some pictures...

You can even open the mouth and pull the little jaws out.  Its beyond cool.   The queen comes with an egg and a facehugger.  Sadly thats bad news for Ariel!!

Nooooo Ariel!!  You've been impregnated.  Now we will have Merlians...Saddest day of my life.  I was supposed to impreg...uh.    Speaking of Ariel, finally finished the entire 3 seasons of the TV series that was released in the early 90s.  I didnt even know it existed till recently.  Majority of the episodes were great.  But there were a couple that were just painfully crap.  But I'll forgive her.  Because I know she loves me.

The parts that look really brownish seems to be an exaggerated effect from me trying to brighten it with photoshop.  Its very black with lighter parts that arent exactly brown but slightly lighter colour.  Some of those parts are a little seethroughish because of the specific material being used, so it doesnt come across too well in the photo.  Maybe I need more light.

Aside from a few extra bluray movies I was after and got them during an amazing sale (seriously, go watch Triangle.  Its the Melissa George one.  Love it to death), I also got myself a final little gift, and mainly because I've wanted one for like 4 years and they had an impressive discount on it in a local store so I had to jump.  My new baby is the Kindle Paperwhite 2.  Cant say how much I love the look of words on that screen.  I've always been frustrated with the light in my room.  I usually have to set up a lamp behind me when I want to read in bed and over the years it got beyond tiresome.  This is excellent.  My friend was over and asked me why not just read from a tablet?  Since I have plans to get one sometime before I die.  I told him to hold up his phone, which is pretty much a mini tablet since he got that huge samsung II or whatever it is.  And then I held the kindle up beside it.  He was like....Oh.  And then I turned the light off and he was like... ooooooohhhh...  There was no raping of the eyes with a kindle.  I'll be paying off my credit card for the next month, but I deserve it and I'm going to do my best to ignore the little debt.

My PC is also acting like a total BITCH lately.  I'm in the process of gathering programs for a total format and then reinstall.  Had enough of its crap.

Tuesday, December 17, 2013

Amazing ant hill structure

So this is pretty awesome.  A guy poured molten aluminium into a fire ant hive to see what it looked like inside.  Now if you dont know what a fire ant is, its a bitch of an ant that obliterates you and also destroys nature.  They cull these to the extreme because they'r that bad.  But this is an amazing clip.

Now if you thought that was impressive, you need to watch the next clip.  Its like that 100.

Saturday, December 14, 2013

The headlines

I'm 100% sure no one has ever wondered what the headlines in my city are like.  So I'm going to show you anyway.  Heres a collection of some choice front pages from the news, and everything is from my city of shitty darwin.  Oh the sadness swells!

Wednesday, December 11, 2013

Portal 2 part 18

I know I take forever to upload these.  But youtube is such a zero priority lol

Saturday, November 30, 2013

L4D Derailed part 3

You thought I'd forgotten about this.  You were right.   I totally did lol

Tuesday, November 26, 2013

Why arent I rich!

So just saw this today and spazzed the fuck right out!  Its a life-size 6'7  resin statue of classic Thor.   I mean what legend would get something like this made and then sell it.  The price itself isnt too expensive considering what it is.  The postage to me is well over $600 though.  But I'm not working yet so this isnt even an option.  Which is a real bitch since as most of you know I've been a massive Thor fan since I was like 7.  Not that I'd really have anywhere I could put him.  And pretty sure my mum would freak out at me.  If anyone feels like buying it for me feel free!!

Saturday, November 23, 2013

And another birthday passes

Today was my birthday! YAY!  I ate cake and stuff.  I also accomplished nothing, which means it was an excellent day.   Usually my birthday is something I look forward to, but its a bit different now.  23rd is also the same day I was forced to put Kyo to sleep 4 months ago.  His birthday was also sometime in november, so I always had it at the same time as mine and I'd buy him some expensive take-out food to eat since I spoiled him.  Mind you I did that every week normally but it was always different during this time.  He would of been 19 this month.  So its my first birthday in a very long time I dont spend it with him.  Depressing for sure.  I still think of him every day.

One good thing that happened was I managed to get my broken ps3 controller working again.  After the useless kid that mum babysits accidently 'dropped' it, the thing kept moving to the right and wouldnt stop.  Found out theres a little hole in the botton of the controller that you can press and it resets it.  Once you disconnect it from the system and then reconnect it, the joypad should work normal.  I had to do this a few times as each time it did nothing.  Then I left it on the side of my desk connected by the cable while I checked something online and 10min later I go to mess with it and the thing works perfectly.  Lord knows why it worked after ignoring it for 10min but thats how it is.  So happy ending there.

My mum is also heading to melbourne in a few days for a couple weeks to visit my sister, so aside from my dad being here in the evenings, the house is basically mine.  Lovely relaxing QUIET time for me coming soon.  Cant wait.

Friday, November 22, 2013

Monday, November 18, 2013

Absolutely furious

There are very few things in the world that I twitch for.  If I lose out on something or cant afford something I just live with it.  But certain things I cant.  I am a massive Alien whore.  If I see something from that series of films that I MUST have, and theres very few things that I find worth owning in anything, then I must have it.  The Alien statue I bought a while back which was stupid expensive but it was going to be mine no matter what.  Its still my most favourite thing.

Recently a kickstarter went up for a miniature game.  Heres the link.

Lets ignore all the reasons why I think they screwed up and could of done better at launching this event.  I dont think they'll make it to the Queen stretch goal, but at the very least the rest of the stuff are awesome.
They do have a pretty cool special where if you pledge £75 or more, you go to the update that has this specific information and write a comment saying blahblah invited me, and you and that person both get a free unit of a specific 3 selection.  Thats something I havent seen at another kickstarter before so that was cool.

But yeah, I'll be grabbing this even though I'm not a miniature person and I still have no job, but I'm more than happy to spend whatever little funds I have for this thing.  I can easily use the pieces for other board game rules or even make my own up.  Getting people to play it is another story.  But I'm more than happy to own it.  I also plan to grab this other kickstarter to use as a different base level thing.

Its pretty amazing.  Not too expensive either.  Can use that for any other miniature game too.  Just a shame both of these popped up while I'm not working.

So you might be asking why I'm pissed off when it doesnt sound like that from above.  Its to do with my other obsession.  Aliens was the first.  Robotech was the second.  And I just came across this fucking thing..

This somehow ended back in May and I NEVER seen it mentioned anywhere.  How the fuck is this possible when I already back other projects.  The base $80 pack will be available for sale at their store this febuary.  Thats fine.  But the thing about kickstarter is all the special things you get that WONT be on sale.  Theres a bunch of crap there.  The Rick, Roy, Khyron, and Miriya units are only for this.  The SDF-1, only for this.  The higher pledge level you chose, the more shitload of free units they tossed at you.  I'm absolutely livid.  I just want to PUNCH shit.  Unbelievable.

Football Manager 2014 clip

This is a rare one.  I've been playing this series for over a decade but this is the one time I felt like uploading a video from it.

Saturday, November 16, 2013

Friday, November 15, 2013

Borderlands 2 final part

Finally done uploading this crap!  I can start with some new stuff now.  If I had faster internet I'd have finished uploading this long ago and had multiple games uploading at the same time instead of 2-3.  Nothing mroe fun than 7-9 hours to upload something.

Thursday, November 14, 2013


I fucking love the character.  Shes easily the most evil of all Disneys characters.  I'm twitching to see this film.

Wednesday, November 13, 2013

This and that

I'll admit this whole google plus stuff confuses me ever so much.  This blogger forced me into making one ages back and linking to it.  Then it got complicated when youtube decided I had to have one too.  But if I ever tried linking both of these together it would show me either of the two differently.  The blog would be there but youtube would be a new channel or vice versa.  So now I have 2 google circles.  Thats sort of annoying.  I would of liked to have kept my info on here and there in the same area.  Would make little updates easier.  I guess I dont mind having something thats a little dislocated from my youtube channel.

I've been watching more older films.  Its great to be finally catching up with a bunch of them.  I mentioned before the Frankenstein films from the 30s which were a real treat.  However I found the 1931 Dracula film to not be as enjoyable for me as it had been to others I know of.  I guess I was spoiled with having grown up watching Christopher Lee's Dracula.  He is beyond brilliant.  Speaking of dracula, I also finally saw Nosferatu, the 1922 silent movie.  Some amazing directing in that.  Absolutely loved the music.  Prior to that I'd only ever seen the 1970s Nosferatu film with Klaus Kinski, brilliant actor.  I dont really recall much from it.  I think I was 12 when I saw it.  I grabbed it recently and plan to re-watch it.

I just finished watching The Uninvited.  Wonderful movie from 1944 about a brother and sister who move into a haunted house.  Very enjoyable.  Also speaking of, there is another movie with the same name that came out a few years back.   I'm pretty sure I'd seen it listed online before but never paid attention to it.  I probably should have since its a remake of the korean horror A Tale of Two Sisters.  I love that film and grabbed this remake to check it out.  I've read some favourable things about it from people who were fans of the original Sisters horror so thats a good thing.  I'll watch it sometime this week.

Friday, November 8, 2013


Last night I did something pretty legendary.  I used the wrong screw to fasten the front panel of my aircondition.  The screw was a little too long.  I punctured one of the copper pipes and all the gas just poured out.  Despite having that thing for the past 10 years, it took about 5min for the gas to finally flow out.  Would of ran for many years yet.  Fixing it is not an option sadly.  So tomorrow my dads going to see about cutting the hole in the wall a little wider to be able to fit a new one in since the box units seem to somehow be larger now.  Cant put a split system in unfortunately.  Oh well.  Hopefully tomorrow things will be normal again.

I've been spending plenty of time watching old horror movies that I've always wanted to watch but never got around to it.  Some of them were Rosemarys baby, the 1950s version of Invasion of the Body Snatchers, and just finished the trilogy of the Boris Karloff Frankenstein movies from the 30s.  Those were brilliant.  Hopefully tonight I'll finally get to watch Dracula, the 1930s one with Bela Lugosi.   I'll admit I've actually been avoiding that one for years.  I grew up with the Christopher Lee Dracula movies and for me there is no way anyone will match the intensity that he had when playing that role.   Trying to catch up with a bunch of other Vincent Price movies I never got to see.  It was always tricky getting movies like these while growing up.  Only since internet stores popping up has it finally become an option.  Our video stores had fuck all.  Our cinemas?  Forget them.  Useless.

Earlier in the day I heard a loud THUMP!  A dove had smashed itself into my window.  Went outside and the thing was pretty much out cold.  I sat with it a little to see how badly it was hurt but it seemed fine.  Its legs and wings could move, and most importantly its neck.  It lay there for a few minutes with its eyes just fluttering.  After about 5min it finally sat up and started to focus on things.  I waited for about an hour before it finally flew off.  Didnt want any hawks or whatever grabbing it.  So I did my good deed for the day.

Thursday, November 7, 2013

Boderlands 2 #25

Theres only 1 left thank god lol.  And then I can delete so much stuff.

Friday, November 1, 2013

Dead space 3 part 1

Finally uploaded something.  Co-op Dead space 3 with Royce.

Got it!

Well I certainly didnt expect this.  The store called me and said the insurance company had agreed to give me the camera I wanted.  That really shouldnt of happened.  I must of got them on the 1 day where they were really happy or in the middle of an office orgy and just agreed.  So now I am the proud father of a Panasonic TZ40, or ZS30 as it is known in america.  Fuck knows why panasonic has different codes for that specific line.  Sadly the 3 years I had left from my initial 5 years warranty cover has been erased since its a new product.  Its pretty annoying, but considering I got this camera when I really shouldnt have is good enough for me to live with it.  So I had to pay an extra $100 to get a new 3 year cover.  You could even think about it as an upgrade offer for $100 to the next camera.  I like that idea. Wish I could do that for everything.

Its also the same camera I got Jed for his wedding/honeymoon gift.  Top class camera.  Looking forward to screwing with it over the next few days to see what I can manage to do with it.

Thursday, October 31, 2013

Almost there

I've mentioned in the past how I've been sending off my digital camera for repairs because its absolutely useless and shit, typical sony product.  This is the 4th time I've sent it.  But I finally got a call today from the repair people saying they have decided to replace it with a brand new camera instead of repairing it again.  About fucking time!  Pretty sure they were only doing this stupid dance because they thought I had a year warranty on it, not 5, so they would have to keep this up for a long time.

Anyway, the lady calls me and says they have a replacement model and tell me its the sony TF1 camera.  I have a TX10.  So I thought for a moment and remember looking through a bunch of reviews in the past and thought it sounded familiar, and was pretty sure it was a low end model.  So I ask the lady to give me the specs of it.  So she goes its waterproof, 16mp and 4x zoom, all exactly like your camera.  I pretty much realized right there that she probably had no idea.  So I check online and find out its not only inferior to mine in almost every category, but its also half the price.  They cant swap mine since its discontinued, so they decided since its 2 years old they'll just round the original price down to 1/3 and get a camera that costs that much, and this is the only other waterproof camera listed on the sony site.   I mean just for example, I paid $480 for the camera, you can buy it for just under $400 at the moment.  The one they were trying to palm onto me goes for like $220 or so.  Its also only 720p 30fps where as mine is 1080p 60fps.  INFERIOR CCD lens to my CMOS one.  Also 1 photo per second where as mine bursts 10 shots per second.  And a bunch more other stuff.

I asked her if I'm not happy with this can I select something else comparable.  She said that should be fine.  So I go to the store, they hand me the camera they were told to give me, I run my long list of reasons why its not an option.  The guy agreed with me.  So now I have to wait till tomorrow for them to hear back from the other guys who are making the warranty rules.  He said it should be fine and I should be able to get the camera I want.  Should.  We'll see how it goes.  I'm also going to lose my extra 2 years warranty.  Love it.  But yeah, I told them I either get the camera of my choice which is the panasonic TZ40, which is on par with what my current camera costs now, or they can give me the updated model of my camera which is the sony T20.  Thats their only options.  I refuse to be handed a rubbish downgraded waste of space camera.

Sunday, October 27, 2013

It tastes like glitter

I've got a penchant for always looking at things closely.  Whether it be a joypad or a remote control or even a glass of water, I always look at it to make sure its not gross.  If it is I either clean it or refuse to touch it if its not mine.  Water though you cant really clean that.  Although its rare, sometimes you're offered a glass of water or you pour yourself a cup and omg theres a hair in it.

Lately I've noticed little flecks in the water.  Our water is usually very clean so I was unsure if it was that or just something to do with the bottle etc.  But a couple weeks back or so I filled up the water container and looked into it and noticed little bits of stuff.  Maybe the rain had something to do with stirring things up, not sure.  But it annoyed me greatly.  So I went shopping for a couple things I've always been curious about.

I grabbed these.  The first one was an easy installation on the kitchen tap.  Water trickles out of it at about half the power since its being filtered inside.  But you can switch it back so the water pours out strongly and ignores the filtered device.  Thats useful for certain things.  But the second container thing, that one is awesome.  Fill it up, water trickles down the middle part and is all clean and waiting for you.  Its just so fresh and CRISP tasting.  One of the best things I've ever bought.  The filters last for about 3months or so.  Theres a little LED indicator that will tell you when it needs to be replaced.  It'll cost like $40-50 or something a year on filters which is nothing when taking into account how nice the water tastes.  So yeah, thumbs up from me.  BRITA, I love you.

Friday, October 25, 2013

Catching up on stuff

I've got a super long list of games and movies that I need to catch up on. Its pretty daunting for sure.  Currently playing Dead Space 3 with Royce and plan to upload those clips soon.  Finished Tales of Graces F, pretty decent game.  I'm a bit of a fan of the Tales Of games.  Theres some shit ones which I've avoided, but some class ones.  At the moment recently started Tales of Xillia.  Pretty large change in the series.

Other than that I've been trying to catch up on a bunch of movies I've always wanted to watch.  Yesterday I finally saw Night of the Living Dead, way back from 1968.  While I've seen plenty of zombie movies from the 80s and onwards, I still had plenty of older films I never got around to watching.  I thought it was pretty cool.  Considering when it came out it must of had a pretty solid impact on viewers.  The Haunting from 1963, I really enjoyed that one.  Excellent film.   The Innocents, 1961.  Rosemary's Baby, 1968 had a really nice flow to it.  Very enjoyable.  And also Vincent Price's 1963 film,  The Haunted Palace which I totally loved.  Despite my huge adoration of him I have yet to watch quite a few of his films.  I have Dr Philes on list for sometime this week.  I need to re-watch a few of Christopher Lee's films too at some stage.  And a bunch of older Hammer films.  The 1960's really was an amazing time for movies.  They still had that stage acting feel that movies today dont have.  But yeah, so many films

One thing I'm still disgusted with myself is I still havent had the chance to sit down and watch all of the Twilight Zone episodes.  I grabbed the bluray releases of the original series.  Some amazing transfers and extras on those.  Just need to sit down and go through those.  I've seen all the ones made later though during the 80s I think it was.  Including the enjoyable Outer Limits seasons.  Only last year I managed to catch up on the Ray Bradbury series, who unfortunately died the week after I completed viewing all the episodes.  Plus The Night Gallery, a pretty entertaining series from the 70s which was similar to the Twilight Zone.  Scifi and Horror.  I just live for it.  I still have quite a few Lovecraft movies to catch up.  I've been purposely holding back on them so I have something to look forward to.  Watched Dagon a little while back.  That was great.

Speaking of catching up, I've also been trying to make time for some podcast recordings that my friend Scott uploads on his site, G2V Podcast.  He runs it with his friend Arnold Blumberg.  Both authors of some great stuff,and they focus mostly on horror and scifi content with some really great info and insights.  I dont know if I've mentioned it before or not so I thought I'd do it again anyway if I did.  But definitely worth checking out.  I'll put the links below.

Thursday, October 24, 2013

Rock of Ages clip

Was going through my drive and found these.  I think we had planned to use them in something but just forgot about it after the review video.  So I'll upload them as a compilation instead of instantly deleting.

Tuesday, October 22, 2013

Donnie Yen VS Bruce Lee

Friend of mine sent me this and I thought it was pretty cool and wanted to share it here.  I'm a huge Donnie Yen fan, been following his stuff since the early 90s, along with a few other asian actors.  In this one theres a great computer generated version of him and a special appearance by Bruce Lee.  I love it.

Monday, October 21, 2013

Me fly so good!

I have always been a lover of aviation. Some of my greatest childhood memories are Air Force Museums and Air Shows. My favorite pc game growing up was a flight simulator for a jet called the Eurofighter Typhoon. I loved playing it. Even though my MIGHTY Pentium 1 couldn't handle playing the game any longer than 8 mins. You think anything on Windows 95 would work just as attended... The crashes were not bugs but features as Bill Gates would say! So please, enjoy! I'll post even more as I finish the game.

Wednesday, October 16, 2013

The smart party

Well looks like the car issues I've been having the past month seem to have been fixed.  Cars been running good since the alternator was switched out.  Good thing thats come out of this is now I have a mechanic who makes house calls.  Brilliant.

Last night I wa pretty magical.  Slight steam issue at the moment, decided to uninstall and reinstall it to fix it.  Unfortunately my brain was broken at the time and totally forgot that doing this would also delete my game folder.  So now I'm re-downloading the games I was playing.  Should only take a day or two lol.  And that issue I had didnt fix itself so I pretty much wasted my time.  ALMOST as good as uploading a video to youtube for the past 7 hours only for it to tell me I grabbed a file I already had uploaded before.  Fucking youtube.  At least I should be starting a couple new games this week to make clips from.  Youtube..  I need to find a job fast so I can help Jed with his internet issue before I lose all interest in that waste of space site.

Saturday, October 12, 2013

L4D Derailed part 2

Thats right, a month on and I finally upload this.  I totally forgot about it lol

Wednesday, October 9, 2013

Psi 5

I love this game so much.  Since I aint played it in like 20 years I was fumbling around.  Forgot so many things that you can do in it.  But if you like this type of game then its worth playing.

The redesigning of Darth Vader

So theres this website.  There always is a website.  This one is showing designs from artist on how they would have drawn Vader were he had been created in todays period.  Some are pretty cool.  Some are pretty not so cool.  And theres one legendary one in the middle that looks like a big turtle.  Hes my favourite.  Heres the website if you're curious..

So I thought to myself why dont I draw my own version. So with that wretched idea I went ahead and took inspiration from the world around me, specifically transformers and Grievous.  Firstly I would like to mention that I have no artistic talent.  Secondly I would like to stress that I have absolutely no artistic talent.  Ignoring the penguin on a shark I did in MSPaint.  That one was a fluke of magnificence.  So without further blah, here is my latest 3min effort MSPaint addition to the world.  It is my wish that either Lucas or Bay see this and adopt me.

Tuesday, October 8, 2013

Borderlands 2 #24

So close to finishing this lol.  Long games will be turned into highlights clips from now on cause this is just obscene.

Friday, October 4, 2013

Bioshock infinite 29

I dont know how other youtubers do these playthroughs.   Editing and uploading is such a chore.   I'm definitely looking forward to finishing the bioshock and borderlands clips.  After that I might just do shorter highlights of games.  Would be far more easier to digest.

Thursday, October 3, 2013

Outlast #8

Second last video of this.  I stopped playing it a while back and uninstalled it.  Really not enjoying it.  For me its a crap game.  But good for those who are enjoying it.

Friday, September 27, 2013

Reception lost

Today I went to bed around 6am.  This is normal since I'm still not working.  At 8am I was woken up by loud banging.  The people had come today to replace the metal sheets on the roof since they were old and really needed to be taken care of.  Lord knows how many more storm seasons it could have handled.  So get in there early and dont worry after.  The only trade off was me getting almost zero sleep.  The banging was pretty intense and they decided to start directly over the room I was sleeping in.  Awesome.

I drifted in and out of sleep a few times.  I'm fucking shocked I managed to sleep at all through all that racket.  I did have one dream that evolved faster than most dreams I've had.  Maybe to do with me waking up so often for brief periods.  It started off normally but ended as a nightmare.  I generally like nightmares.  No, I LOVE nightmares.  This one though didnt really end like I'd want it.  There are certain subjects I dont want in my nightmares.  And this one happened to have it.  I'll just skip to the very end, which had this lady who was pretty much out to kill me and this other guy.  She never spoke, just smiled a little and pretty much almost glided after us where ever we went.  She caught up to us and I noticed something on the back of her head.  Like a large growth.  And out of this fucking growth she would LAUNCH massive hand sized spiders who would somehow land on us and start gnawing.  I fucking HATE spiders.  This was enough to wake me up, my body TWISTING as I woke up.  I'm surprised I didnt break my spine.  First time I've had that reaction to a nightmare.  But I really really really hate spiders.

Anyway, with the roof all done there was only one problem that my parents werent smart enough to predict.  Removing the satellite dish temporarily was going to break our cable reception.  I dont really watch tv so this doesnt affect me.  My parents however.  So I told them the cable people can come in a week to realign it.  Dad thinks he knows someone who can come tomorrow that knows how to do this sort of stuff so we'll see.

Other than that I've been having some issues with my car.  The battery would just keep dying for no reason.  After lots of screwing around a friend of mine did whos repaired vehicles for the past 20-30 years, seems it was the fault of an old car alarm I had in that I disabled years ago because it was pissing me off.  How does something thats been in there for the entire time I've had my car suddenly start screwing with it?   I dont know.  Part of my is expecting the car to die again despite now the battery drawing the proper amount of power from the alternator.  But we'll see over the next few days.  If 2-3 weeks pass and its acting normal, I'll relax.

Finishing off, I'd just like to say Jed is a massive woman.

Bioshock infinite 28

Sunday, September 22, 2013

Thursday, September 19, 2013

Outlast #5

Maybe 2 more videos left of these, not sure.  I'm at the point where I think I'll stop playing lol

Wednesday, September 18, 2013

Stupid battery

So yesterday my car wouldnt start.  Battery was flat.  Which is pretty weird cause I only replaced it 2 months ago.  Took it to the local garage people my dad deals with and they checked it out and said theres nothing wrong with the engine etc, its most likely my fault since I rarely drive around much.  I'm thinking fuck you, I've done the same shit for the past 12 years I've had this car but whatever.  The car was working and I didnt have much to back me up.

So I'm driving home and I notice the airconditioner is acting weird.  Its not as strong as usual, theres a strange faint high pitched sound when I'm accelerating, and when I accelerate the air blows stronger.  It never did any of these 3 things before.  I'm about 5seconds from my house when I hear the car make a BEEP noise.  That tells me somethings wrong.  Usually battery related.  I pull into my house and sit there in the driveway for about 20seconds.  Suddenly engine turns off with no warning.  I'm like NO YOU DIDNT!  I try to start it up, TICKTICKTICKTICK.  Battery is flat.

Dad comes in from behind, I show him what the car is doing and I'm all like BOOM told you its not about how often I drive it, I'm not that stupid to leave it for too long.  He couldnt understand it.  I told him how the aircon was acting differently.  He tells me I'm imagining it.  I totally went off.  I know how my car behaves.  12 years gives me the right to instantly know if something different.  So we took it to a friend who used to repair cars in his own garage for 30 years.  They checked it out, and turns out the fuel rods or whatever int he battery were dead.  The idiots at the garage werent smart enough to check this.  Dad claims they dont have the equipment.  Fuck that excuse.

So got a new battery and lookie there, the aircon is behaving properly again.  Fingers crossed the stupid car doesnt do anything weird again otherwise it might mean something is causing the battery to die super quick and that will be a nightmare to figure out what.  An expensive one.

So for now heres one of those stupid horrible addictive clickclick games.  You make cookies.  The more cookies you get, the more things you unlock to make cookies.  Its a pointless game, but once you start you sort of keep going.   After a while it'll make cookies on its own so you dont need to clickclick.  I'm going for the top!

Monday, September 16, 2013


Today has been pretty magical.  I was up super late catching up on my collection of movies and I usually eat something during it.  This time it was 2 large nectarines.  I crunched away happily on those and was good.  But half hour later something felt wrong.  You know the sensation you get when you eat way too much and your stomach just says FUCK YOU?  That was me.  Except I hardly think 2 nectarines should do this.  I can eat 6 times more than that without trouble.  But something wasnt right so I blame them.  They werent rotten or soft or bruised or anything.  They were perfect, which is what makes it all the more frustrating.

Generally after an hour you start to feel yourself get less bloated as you digest the food.  I was sort of going in the opposite direction.  It felt like my stomach was getting more full and more solid.  Wasnt good.  I finished my movie and went to bed, though that was a nightmare too since I couldnt lie down properly in any position without my stomach screaming at me.  2 hours later I felt something I recognized and quickly went to the toilet, and for the first time in over 15 years I threw up.  4 magically wrenching efforts.  I dont know where all of that came from.  I swear it was multiplying inside of me.

I went to bed and woke up much later but didnt feel that much better.  My stomach wasnt screaming at me any more but it wasnt normal either.  And my throat was a little sore from the obvious.  I dont have a temperature and it feels different to food poisoning.  At least for me the two times I've had that, I sort threw up from the opposite end of my body.  That restaurant has been officially banned from my life too.

So this whole day I've been in a weird state where I dont feel sick but I dont feel good either.  And theres the welcome headache to keep me company too.  I guess if you know the feeling you get from motion sickness?  Thats sort of how I feel.  Cant describe it.  I also hope to never go through this again.  My parents ate those nectarines and they were fine.  So fuck knows.  I've spent most of today just lying down.  And as luck should have it Liverpool is playing at 4:30am tomorrow morning.  Usually I stay up for those.  Wonder if I'll manage it this time.

Thursday, September 12, 2013

Tiny freaky things

The brilliant io9 site put up a freakish article today showing what certain looks like if you were to zoom in really really REALLY close.  Some are absolutely nightmarish.  Others are really purdy.  Click on the link below.

Wednesday, September 11, 2013

L4D Derailed #1

Its like christmas today what is wrong with me!

Bioshock infinite #26

Heres the next one.  Currently I'm in the middle of Outlast.  I've got to be honest but I'm finding the game very tedious to the point where I stop talking in the game for a bit now and then.  I dont think I'm really made for lets plays.  Jed really needs to get back onto the internet so he can do them since he'd be 1 billiont imes better than me.  I want to focus on my strategy and adventure games.  Those are totally not uploadable stuff.  But yeah, I'm probably one of the few whos getting bored of Outlast because its not scary.  Whats that tell you about me.  I just want a game or movie to scare me again.  It never happens.  Sure if I was getting a million views I'd happily pretend to be scared and scream all the time.  But thats all it would be.  Pretend.

Tuesday, September 10, 2013

Good job

So last night I heard a familiar sound.  Sitting there watching a movie in my room and suddenly the loud thrashings of 2 cats fighting.  My body did jolt in a reflex reaction since every time I heard that sound I was up instantly and outside with a torch to make sure my cat was ok.  But thats not how things are any more.

So I look outside and shine my awesome torch, and across the road 2 houses down I see 2 cats just going mental.  One of them is a gray and dark coloured cat I didnt recognize.  The other?  It was the black cat that lived at that house.  The very same cat that would always come over here looking to pick a fight with my cat.  Kyo, for MANY years, sent that cat packing.  He would beat the crap out of him and then chase him back to his house before walking back like the lion that he was.  But the injuries he got almost always became infected because of his low immune system.  In the last couple years I think Kyo was just not as dangerous as he used to be the other cat seemed to be in his prime, so there were quite a few times where the black cat dominated him.  I once ran down and found my cat hiding under my car while the black cat stood on the side trying to grab at him.  Sadly the cat never was within reach of my foot or any stick I had with me.

But now the roles were reversed.  Who ever that gray cat was was smashing the black cat.  They wrestled for about 10min straight with a few pauses, across the drive way, into the bushes, everywhere.  But never out the closed gate.  The black cat seemed to think staying in his home would be a good move because his owners would come down sooner or later.  His owners never did.  They were probably too busy snoring their faces off.  I think the amount of claw marks and teeth marks on that black cat will be obscene.  And I'm glad about it.

I told my mum today about it and the first thing she asked was which cat was winning?  I told her the gray one smashed him.  And she straight away said, 'Good.  He deserves it.  Maybe he'll die too.'  You might think we're a little mean.  But fuck that cat.  I hope his life from here on out is as much a misery as he made Kyos.  Though I hope its far worse.

Sunday, September 8, 2013

Borderlands 2 #23

Nearing the end, but now thankfully theres 4 of us.

Stupid week

Yesterday was election day in Australia.  We replaced one stupid government with a new stupider government.  The worst part about this is the previous lot were going to give us faster internet.   My area only had a year at most before it would of had optic fibre built in.  We'd get 100 megabit download speed which is awesome considering I'm sitting on 1.  Uploads would go to 12 or something, I dont know.  I just know it would be faster then my current 100k/s upload.  It would make uploading to youtube far less of a pain.  But now the new retards are in and their version of fast internet is 25mbps.  Oh sure thats faster than what I'm on now, but 25 vs 100 is a bit of a massive difference.   The part that really bugs me is I dont know if they plan to stop building in some areas, specifically mine.   I guess we'll find out sooner or later.  I dont expect much good from it.

The other night I had an annoying dream.  I was coming back from a friends place at like 2am and noticed something on the side of my driveway inside my house.  It was a cat that looked exactly like Kyo.  We have an electronic gate so I pressed the button and it started to open slowly.  I got out of the car not interested in waiting for it to open completely, worried that maybe if I wait too long he might disappear.  I walked inside and crouched and coaxed him to come to me, and he did, and I was just so fucking happy as he kept coming closer instead of vanishing.  But when he finally got to me I noticed the face was different.  It wasnt kyo.  Just some other cat that resembled him.  The worst part is this was one of those very rare ultra realistic feeling dreams.  I woke up shattered.  I love nightmares, but not that shit.  Its like the universe is just taunting me.  I envy the people who can get over a pet dying.  I only wish I saw him as just a pet.  But I didnt.  And I never will.

Saturday, September 7, 2013

Thursday, September 5, 2013

Outlast #1

So this game finally came out that I was looking forward to.  I rarely buy games on release but this one had a special discount I couldnt avoid.  It'll probably be the last new release game I buy for a long time while I catch up with all my old ones.  Theres just no money for them.  I'll wait for them to be on super discounts during steam sales in the future.  Which is anoying since I'm missing out on Total War Rome 2, the first Total War game I wont be getting on release since the very first Shogun game came out.  I love that damn series.  Oh well.  Maybe in 6months.

So anyway, this Outlast game, its kinda in the same style as Amnesia.  One thing that pissed me off though was the graphic settings.  Some genius thought motion blur was an excellent idea.  I dont.  I absolutely hate motion blur.  It not only helps with making you feel motion sickness more, but it scrubs out all the details in the stage every time you move.  You cant appreciate anything because its smeared to hell since you're always moving.  So for the first couple or so clips it'll be default, but I've found some options in the games ini file that will let me switch that off as well as improve a few other things so I'm looking forward to that.  In the meantime heres the first part.

Fuck you Disney

Anyone who knows me knows I've been TWITCHING for the Little Mermaid to be brought out on bluray for the past 6 years.  I absolutely loathe disney for waiting to do every single other fucking title before getting to this masterpiece.  Now that its finally here I've just found out they went and did something that will fuck with me forever.  They got 2 scenes switched.  Heres a video...

Now to some people this isnt a big thing.  Why you so pissed over this you freak, I hear some people say.  Well I'm the old school fan.  I watched it at the cinema, I've watched it probably 40-50 times during my VHS and DVD days, and every time I see this I will KNOW its in the wrong order and it will jar my brain.  Its not just the bluray either.  The new DVD versions have been changed to this.  Fact is theres no reason for this change.  None.  I dont mind changes if it improves something, like the slight colour changes in cinderella and sleeping beauty.  But this is stupid.  Oh well, I'll SUFFER it.  One strange thing is the bluray is coming out 1st of october for america, but for me here in Australia my stores claim sept 11.  So next week.  They better not be fucking with me.  I need this shit.

Tuesday, September 3, 2013

Monday, September 2, 2013

Bollywood wannabe? lol

Its not every day something this delicious appears in the gaming scene.  Now all we need is for Ulala and Parappa make an appearance and it'll be GOTY for sure!  If you're interested where to get this game its up cheap on the latest indie royale bundle which also sports a few other interesting looking titles.

Sunday, September 1, 2013

Bioshock infinite part 25

Well well..

So today I walked outside and saw something interesting.  Ususally when I leave I'll look over to the place where Kyo is burried and give him a little greeting.  But today something was a little different. The little cat sculpture isnt in its usual spot as I'm busy coating it in about 27 layers of this special varnish thats usually used on boats so the elements dont destroy it.  So right now theres nothing there.  Except this..

Those plastic flowers lying down there are always firmly planted in the swam statue.  They've never come out before.  Now they're lying almost exactly over the spot Kyo is buried.   I had my mum come outside and asked her if she'd done that since only she plays with the garden.  She was surprised and said no.  So theres only one explanation.   Kyo was playing with like he used to.  Thats my official explanation and no one will convince me of otherwise.  You go Kyo.  Make those flowers your bitch.

Thursday, August 29, 2013

The ups and the downs

I got a text today from Jed.   While on his way to work his tyre exploded.  So he had to call in and say he couldnt make it, which means no money for him.  He also had to buy a tyre to replace the dead one.  Send him your love or your cheque book.  Also if you're willing to spend 5 grand on a kickstarter to meet the both of us and spend a week at disney world and cruise, feel free to  request this lololol.

I went to the doctors last week to get a blood test, mainly to shut my mum up whos been nagging into my ear incessantly for the past 3 years to check up on my cholesterol levels.  Last time I did in 5 years back I didnt see the results as she spoke to the doctor on the phone, cause you know, I shouldnt be told my own fucking results, and claimed I had a level of 6.  The average is 5.5..  Needless to say I didnt believe her or the hack doctor who she goes to that I was forced into at the time since hes greek and she can understand.  Anyway, went in and my current level is 5.6 which is perfect.  Sort of amazing really considering the amount of SHIT I eat on a constant basis.  But then again I always felt fine.  I havent even been able to exercise the past 6 months because of a few stupid things.  At least my latest 2 month  knee injury is coming to the end of its stupid period.  Knees always take forever.  Couple more weeks and I'll be exercising again happily.

Speaking of disney, I also decided to treat myself to a gift.  I technically cant afford it.  But I wanted it to cheer myself up a little after a a very sad period in my life.  Heres a picture.

I grew up on Hans Christian Anderson stories and little mermaid was a fave.  But I adore the disney version too since it came out when I was 14.  Love it love it.  Cant wait for the bluray in october.  But these two statues are the only things I've ever seen that I wanted as all the rest of the mermaid stuff were crap.  Unfortunately the bust on the left, the version they sent me didnt have the best paint job on the right eye.  Its sort of looking forward instead of to the side like the left eye so it looks a bit strange.  But I cant do anything about that all the way here in Australia so I'll make do.  But at least the one on the right is perfect and legendary.  All in all I'm very happy with them and thats a check mark off my life long ambitions of owning stuff from something I love done.  This is not their final resting place.  I have a spot on my shelf once I sort out a couple things.  In the meantime its Little Mermaid song listening time for me!

Giana Sisters Twisted Dreams #1

I loved the C64 version and couldnt wait to get my hands on this sequel.  I've been distracted but recently managed to get around to playing it.  Totally love it.

Wednesday, August 28, 2013

Nintendos 2DS? Seriously?

Just noticed Nintendo's new brainstorm device.  The 2DS.  A butchered 3DS.  I really dont get it.  I mean I know nintendo have issues, mentally, as they dont actually do stuff most people want with their hardware.  Example, majority of people would like a second analogue stick on the 3DS.  Instead they give us this.  Lets just list whats stupid about it...

The thing is a large block.  You cant carry that around or put it in your pocket.  Forget it.  I dont care that they claim its aimed at kids.  How many young people can even hold that monster?  Removed 1 speaker so now its mono sound.  The excellent wifi switch on the side?  Oh no thats much too convenient.  Removed so you can adventure into the settings whenever you need it.  Screens completely unprotected.  I'll stick to my barely used 3DSXL.  This new unit is a joke.  It looks like a knock off from china.

Friday, August 23, 2013

Borderlands 2 #22

I think I probably have 3 clips left.  Cutting out HEAPS of shit so these are technically like speed highlights.  I want this shit game done lol.  Refuse to touch the third version if the characters still only have 1 power.  Absolutely boring.

Thursday, August 22, 2013

One month on

A month since I was forced to put him to sleep.  Obviously its not been an easy one and I never expected it would be.  But what I wasnt ready for was the absolute emptiness I'm left with.  Kyo was practically my best friend.  I rarely ever felt depressed or even upset for long because I'd go to my room and most of the time he'd be there sleeping on whatever object he decided was to be his bed for whatever length of period he felt.  Sometimes he'd be in the hallway sleeping, or in the spare room, now and then in the lounge sleeping on the carpet or the treadmill.  He was always somewhere.  Now all those areas are empty.  The house feels completely different with him gone.

I remember when we got him back in 95.  My sister brought him in as a kitten, he was a late birthday present her boss had given her.  My parents were furious, they didnt want any pets because of the amount of care they need.  She couldnt take him back so they'd leave him outside, mum outright refusing to let him inside the house.  When he came it was during the time the storms had started up here so there was heaps of rain and thunder every day.  I always found him hiding behind the washing machine.  He always looked frightened.  I cant remember who was even feeding him for the first few days, but I got frustrated at the lack of attention he was getting and I  brought him upstairs sometime during the first week and told my parents he was going to be inside during the rain.  Oh they tried arguing.  Did them no good.

Of everyone in the house it was pretty much myself and my mother who looked after him.  My dad had no interest and my sister was the typical useless one of the house. More interest in going out with friends than doing anything else.  Because of the start he had I believe it may have affected him mentally as he was always scared of most things.  Except that one time I had to grab him quickly because I noticed he was just about to lunge at a dog that was being walked past our house by his owner.  The guys eyes went completely wide.  Was pretty funny.  He was always a large cat.  And when he got vicious, my word...

Anyway, I bonded with him pretty quickly.  My mum would feed him during the day and I'd look after him during the evenings.  He never wanted to stay inside during the night.  Always wanted to be outside.  He would walk to the screen door and just sit there.  If he knew you were aware of this and didnt do anything after a few minutes, he would claw at the screen.  Keep ignoring him and he would jump onto it and cling to it.  It was pretty funny when he was outside wanting to come in because you cant see outside through the screen if its dark.  So out of nowhere you'd hear a huge SLAM as he smashed himself up onto the screen door wanting to be let in.  So many times my dad or mum would just shit themselves.

I remember when he was still a kitten I'd sit on the balcony late at night when everyone was asleep and prop him on my lap for company, to get him to be less afraid.  At the time I loved a song called Ano Hi Ni from an anime called Video Girl Ai, and everytime I'd hum that specific tune he'd start purring and fall asleep on me.  I'd sit there for an hour or two while he slept on me, sometimes at 1am or later.

He also had a vicious side to him.  I blame myself for the amount of time I used to spend playing with him and riling him up.  He loved to bite and claw at me.  Very often he'd draw blood.  But I knew he was playing because of his facial reactions and how he'd move after he'd just destroyed me.  Which is why I could never get angry with him.  He was just different with me compared to how he was with others.  Like with my mumf or instance, he'd follow her around during the mornings when she was doing the washing, just sit there and keep her company.  Sometimes he'd follow her when she walked off to the shops.  She would have to stop and tell him to go back home.  And he would listen.  I know plenty of people say their dog or cat is super smart etc, but mine had something different.  The understanding in his eyes when you said something, being able to know multiple words and phrases.  He was seriously fucking smart.

He was also a lot like me.  For example with food, if you put something in front of him and he didnt like it, he'd look at you for a moment then walk away.  My parents always say he'll come back when hes hungry enough.  But he didnt.  He would not eat the whole day if you gave him something he didnt like because he was an absolute snob when it came to food, just like I am.  I'd frequently gone 2 days without food because I either didnt know what I wanted or everything didnt appeal to me.  I would sometimes get 2 tins and hold them in front of him.  He'd look at them both then nudge his nose on the one he wanted and he would always eat it.  I once gave him the one he didnt pick when my parents said I was being stupid and he'd eat both anyway.  He wouldnt touch it.  I'd spend quite a bit of time reading up different types of cat food and what ingredients to keep an eye out for that werent good for cats.  It would get fairly expensive but I never bought him rubbish.  He never meowed for food either.  Was always very quiet and patient.  Unless we were grilling him fish or chicken breasts.  Then he'd meow lots.  And I would cut everything up into little pieces for him all the time.  Spoiled is not a strong enough word for how I pampered him.

I recall the neighbours had a cat they were looking after for some friends who were on holiday.  They had their own too.  Lots of people in my area have cats.  This one they were looking after was a really attractive black coloured female.  Kyo took an instant attraction to her.  He was neutered btw.  I'd catch him at the fence sitting there with the other cat during the afternoons.  They'd just sit there not saying anything, just mostly looking at each other and stuff.  It was adorable.  Only problem is this female cat was very stupid.  She was always on the road, sometimes sleeping on it for warmth or whatever.  And sadly 2 weeks later a car ran her over.  It was pretty sad.  It was worse seeing Kyo go to the fence and sit there for an hour or two just waiting, and she'd never come.  He stopped after the second day and you could tell he was fairly depressed over it for the next month or so.

The worst thing about having him though was the amount of times he got sick or injured.  It was horribly stressful on everyone and himself.  Not to mention expensive.  A couple years ago I had a test done on his blood to see if there was anything wrong with him, cost like $500, and turns out he had a really low immune system.  So this explained how he was always getting infections from injuries.  I was always doing my best to go outside during the evenings just to make sure he was ok and there werent any other cats that had roamed in looking for trouble.  Sometimes you'd hear one of the other cats mewling really loudly in the yard and we'd dash outside and scare it off.  We'd even get woken up at like 4am if we heard the sounds and were straight outside.  We never worried about him losing a fight.  For a good number of years he handed every cats arse to them.  I saw him on many occasions running after a cat who was bolting away after losing a fight it had started.  He was fearless.

It was the cuts he got during the fights that really were the problem.  I cant tell you the amount of times he had infections that needed surgery.  Those were always the worst.  There was a part on his neck that got injured twice and flared up.  The doctor wanted to put a cone around his head so he couldnt scratch at it and dislodge any of the stitches or the tube they put there for drainage.  I told him good luck, you wont ever get that on him or get him to keep it on.  I told him it would be fine without, and it always was.  He never clawed at any injury that had been stitched back up.

Its hard to recall every single injury he had.  But there were plenty.  The first few years he was fine.  He was too small to get into fights and always hid.  But at about the age of 4-5 he started to think he was king shit.  He pretty much was though.  No cat in the neighbourhood could stand up against him.  And he never went off looking for fights either.  They always came to him.

I remember his first big issue was when he broke his tail.  I noticed he never raised it for a couple days and it just hung limply.  I thought he just injured it.  Vet said it was broken at the base.  Possible chance it wouldnt heal as he's seen many cats have their tails removed after breaking it.  But a month later he was moving it again and it was all good.  He just had a little bump where the break had been.  Pretty lucky.  After that it started to become more frequent.  I'd catch him the next day with a cut from a fight, and then the next day it would have swollen up.  Some times I could just him injections and then tablets for the next month and a week or so later the swelling would go down.  Other times it really needed surgery.  He should of lost an ear twice over but always healed somehow.  The vet was always stunned with how he kept fighting back.

The last 2 years of his life were the worst.  He'd got into some brutal fight, scratches all across his face, head and neck area.  Multiple ones got infected.  Took him to the vet and had to leave him over night for them to work on him.  Every time I left him there it killed me.  Couldnt sleep or eat while he was gone.  When I got him back the next day they'd shaved his head and neck, and there were so many injuries.  Just to give you an idea heres a couple pictures of him during then..

Both side of his face were the same.  He was fairly miserable at the time, quite a bit of pain too.  The top of his head you can make out all his past injuries that he'd gotten.  These are 2-3 days later.  On the first day he was all red and still bleeding some.  Was a really bad sight.  Took a few weeks for him to fully heal.  He was still energetic and liked attention, though it was really hard to play with him or scratch him because of his injuries, so I'd have to focus on the rest of his body which sometimes had a hidden cut here and there.

3 months later he got another issue on his cheek.  We're not sure but it was probably a spider bite.  It puffed up stupidly fast during the night.  Next day I took him in and the infection had spread quickly to the inside of his cheek and across the top of his gums.  It was really bad.  Had to have an expensive surgery to remove his entire top teeth and the bottom ones on one side.  Before the surgery the vet told me theres a good chance he'll probably get cancer during this and if I still wanted to go ahead with the surgery since it was very expensive.  Told him never to offer me choices again when it came to Kyo.  There is only 1 choice.  And that is to make him better.  We'll deal with what might happen after.

I was not handling that too well after I left.  But we got him back and to the surprise of my vet he didnt get cancer.  Its like every year Kyo kept punching everything that came his way.  Nothing could stop him.  I honestly believed he'd make it past 20 because of just how tough he was.  Even with stitches in his gums and him in so much pain, he still tried to talk whenever my mum spoke to him.  When he finally got over that, about 2months later one of the worst moments happened for him.  He just stopped eating, moving, talking.  Just one day I found him sitting there on the carpet and doing nothing.  He was like that all day.  The next day he was no different.  Couldnt get him to eat or drink or even talk.  The most he'd do was sway his tail slightly when we spoke to him.  He was horribly unbalanced so never got up, and his eyes were totally black because he couldnt focus.

This had to happen during a stupid public holiday so I couldnt take him in.  But since it was evening I decided to take him first thing in the morning and hope.  I didnt sleep, stayed with him the entire time and then called the vet in the morning.  Took him in, vet looked him over briefly and got this expression on his face.  Said it didnt look good.  He seemed to have gotten some kind of virus that was shutting him down.  Said to leave him there and they would try their best but there was a very high chance he wouldnt make it through the night.  I was an absolute mess.  First time I'd come to the realization that he might actually die.  He was there for 4 days.  On the 5th I got to take him home and he was doing much better, again the vet shaking his head saying he'd never seen a cat continually come through so many issues over the past decade as my cat had.  I thought yes, he's 100% dying of old age for sure.  And well past 20.  Nothing will take him.

From that point on he started to stay in doors and sleep inside which was a massive relief for me.  He still got a couple infections over the year but nothing requiring surgery, just medicine over a period.  He was definitely weaker though.  Not as energetic as usual.  He'd come and sleep where ever I was in the house.  If I went to the lounge to watch something, he'd appear after a few minutes and sleep nearby me.  Always near.

And then the final 6 months.  He'd gotten an infection on the other side of his gums.  Had to get all the teeth removed so now he only had 3 fangs at the front and nothing else.  I would cut all his food into the smallest bits, spend ages doing it all the time.  No more hard foods for him.  I'd stand next to him while he ate.  He also stopped going outside to the toilet and a few times did it in the house, which was very uncharacteristic of him.  If he wanted to go to the toilet he'd meow and then walk to the door to let you know.  Now he was different.  He wasnt completely all there mentally.  I think everything had finally taken its toll on him.  I'd carry him downstairs every 3 hours so he could do his bit.  I was sleeping maybe 2-3 hours a day for the past 4-5 months so I keep an eye on him and help him with food or going outside.  The infection however wasnt leaving.  It was different types of medicine over the next 3months.  Then it was injections ever 2 days for almost 2 months.  But the infection wasnt going away.

Come the final month I had a feeling his body had decided it just couldnt do it anymore.  My vet and I didnt want to say it, but we both knew it was most likely cancer.  During one of the last visits Kyo snapped and refused to accept the injection.  He was always very calm, almost never meowed or anything during them.  Only a couple times did he get a little pissed off.   But this time he hissed and tried to claw at the vet who was totally shocked.  During this he'd managed to cut the underside of his paw on the corner of the table and there was quite a bit of blood.  The vet touched it and rubbed it between his fingers and just nodded to me.  The blood was thin.  He had cancer.

It was hard to accept this.  Harder still to not break down on the spot.  We'd decided I'd bring him in the following week to have him put to sleep.  So I took him home, and just like the past couple years I spent every moment I could with him.  He'd permanently set up camp in my room by this time.  He must of been in so much pain, yet he still tried to give me affection now and then.  Eating must of been a nightmare for him.  He was always in pain but kept chewing, despite the meows of pain or the tiny pieces of flesh that came off his gums while he drank.  The strangest thing happened though.  Normally he'd go 2 days and then be in really back shape and need injections.  But he went for 5 days with nothing and seemed normal, despite his issue.  So I cancelled his final trip and just played it by ear.  He went a full month almost before he finally degraded over a period of 2 days and I was forced to take him in.

When I brought him in I couldnt even talk.  My throat was completely clenched from grief.  The vet couldnt make eye contact with me either.  He gave him an injection and said this would make him drowsy and sleep, and then left the room giving me a few minutes with him.  I started to hum the tune he liked and he would sway his tail during it.  After about a minute he started to drop his head slowly till it was on the table and he was out cold.  His eyes were completely open.  When the vet came in he said because his in a really deep sleep, his eyes stay open, its supposedly normal but Kyo wasnt aware of anything.  Then he shaved a little bit off his leg and was about to do the second injection which would finish everything.  I had my hand on him all the time just feeling his heart beat.  Once the injection was given, his heart stopped instantly.  Not even 1-2 seconds after.  It was instant.  I describe how I felt, but it was like something had grabbed everything in me and just made it vanish, I felt like an empty husk.

The vet shook my hand saying I'd done more for Kyo then he'd seen most people do for theirs and it was a miracle he'd made it to almost 19 considering everything he'd gone through.  A real marvel.  I couldnt talk at all and could just nod.  He let me out the back way and I went home and I just couldnt function for an entire week.  The vet and the girls working there were surprised when I came back a week or so later to pick up his ashes and other stuff.  They thought I wouldnt be able to come back.  I got my stuff, paid my bill since they were really nice not to ask for when I was there before, and then left.  Like I mentioned in a previous post I went back a couple weeks later with about $90 worth of cake and made them all pretty happy, vet even laughing and slapping me on the back, and I'd never seen him laugh before.

Now everything is different.  Theres no food I need to prepare for him.  The large office chair he used as his bed lies empty next to me.  No sudden claws or teeth biting my leg when I dont notice him during a game I'm playing.  The house feels empty to me.  He really was the closest thing to me.  There was a bond thats not there now. Not 10min goes by when I dont think about him.  Hes constantly on my mind.  I look through his hundreds of photos I took and dozens of videos at least once a week.  I wish I'd taken more.  I wish during those other years I'd spent more time with him.  But I did the best I could with extra years I really shouldnt of had with him as he should of died 4 times over.  Anywhere else he probably would of been put down 7 years ago.

I had the vet print me out a list showing how many times I'd gone in and how much I'd spent.  Unfortunately theres a gap of 5 years when he was 6-11 because they changed their system.  But going from memory and the frequency of trips, I estimate possibly 70-80 trips to the vet during his lifetime.  Dozens of infection trips.  At a guess I probably spent around 15-18k on bills.  The amount of money doesnt look like too much over that period,  But majority of it was in the last 10 years, and when you're paying $300 one week and then a few months down the track you get slapped with $1300, and it goes like that over a few years, you start to feel it.  And it was happening often.  Taking its toll on my cat from all the trips, taking its toll on me emotionally and probably physically.  He didnt deserve to end like this.  He was meant to go of old age.  Not in such horrible pain.  He'd suffered more than any cat I'd known.  He didnt deserve this ending.  Deserved so much fucking more.  But he did live 6 years longer then he should have, and 2 years longer then anyone expected.  So I'll have to hold onto that thought.

This was fairly long but I did it mostly for myself so I could remember, since I've forgotten a few things over time.  But hes definitely someone I will never forget.  He was the best part of me.  The one constant, always following me or playing with me.  I was never depressed with him around.  Losing a job, grandparent dying, nothing would get me down too much because he'd cheer me up by being there.  Now?  Thats gone and I find myself often just sitting there doing nothing.   Mum is always walking past and looking in to check up on me ever since.  He'll always be with me in my thoughts.  But the emptiness, thats something that wont go away.

Also wanted to mention my good friend Scott who also lost his cat Tink yesterday who made it to the glorious age of 19.  Stay strong mate.

Wednesday, August 21, 2013

Surprise Post

So I was sitting there at the pc today doing pc stuff and my dad comes in and hands me my mail.  I look at this padded envelope a little confused and on the back I see Jeds name.  At first I thought he'd come good on his threat of mailing me a pile of his shit.  But when I opened it up I found to my surprise they were DVDs he'd gotten me of the disney resort and cruises.  Inside were lots of details inside a booklet that comes with both which I went through.  I'll do my best to watch the DVDs sometime this week.  These are to help my HOPEFUL trip to disney world next year.  First I'll need a job to afford it and I'm pretty much at the stage where I feel like looking for work after taking a little break to get over my cat.  Which obviously I havent, but I need to find a job and I'm not as shit as I was a month ago where I could barely function mentally.

I also went and got a blood test done today.  The girl took about 3/4 of it.  She only needed 6 vials but that didnt stop her.  Probably taking the rest home for her True Blood marathon.  I want to get a few check ups I've been meaning to do for a while now, mainly cholesterol.  I'm not 16 any more.  I'll just do the waiting thing for the results.  The doctor was pretty funny, in a non funny way.  After listening to me for a little he was pretty serious when he said I really should be getting therapy after the whole Kyo thing.  Some of the way I've been mentally and physically, (not bothering with details cause its not important and would be too long) he claimed was very disturbing and not normal, and worse off that I acknowledged it too.  Said I should come back in a month and see him.  Clearly I'm not going to.  I know how my brain works and how my emotions work and what I can cope with.  And I reject his theory of self harm too.  Just because I get pissed off more easily and try to instigate a confrontation with people that annoy me isnt self harm.  Its me having less fucking patience  for idiots lately.

Anyway, heres some pictures!  In the end Jed DID send me some poo, though it was drawn on the letter he sent.